Part 1: Worst panel ever
I attended a two-presenter, 1 hour panel just before lunch on the second day of a three day conference. I should note now that the rest of the conference was awesome. One of the best I have ever attended. This panel however....
The chair announced that one of the presenters (listed first in the programme) would be a little late, so the other panelist would present first. They finished their presentation, about 5 minutes over their time, but as the other presenter hadn't shown up yet, they did a little more analysis then we launched into comments and questions. As the presenter was in the middle of responding to a question, with 10 minutes left in the the panel time-slot, the other presenter (who we will call 'Mr. WTF?' entered the room, allowing the door to slam behind him, interrupted the speaker, and said, 'I'm meant to give a talk at half-past.' The chair said curtly, 'actually the panel started on the hour' (in any case it was already ten to, so Mr. WTF? was 20 minutes late for his half-past timing!!!!). The presenter finished responding to his question, then took a seat in the audience, allowing Mr. WTF? to take the last 10 minutes of the session. He sat in the first row (even after the chair suggested that he should probably sit at the front), and spent five minutes summarizing his research interests (the way you might in the first class of a graduate seminar). His summary gave the impression that he had not considered any of the relevant cultural theories for his project, and really had the tiniest inkling of a case study, about which he had not even bothered to prepare an academic paper. At the end of his five minute summary he said "any questions?"
To my surprise, the many very senior scholars in the room actually humoured him. In fact, they even tried to help him. They gave him recommendations about the glaring blindspots in his project and asked for clarification on issues that did not seem to hold up. Rather than be collegial, appreciative, or humble, Mr. WTF? was defensive. When asked to define his use of the term "popular imaginary" and explain his source for his claims about this concept, he said "I'm not a literary scholar, I'm a political scientist. We use statistics." It may interest you to know that many (i'd say at least 50%) of the people in the room were themselves NOT literary scholars!.
Following the panel, Mr. WTF? helped himself to some conference lunch then took off, having attended exactly 10 minutes of the conference, those being the 10 minutes where he himself was speaking.
Part 2: How to present a paper at an academic conference (in 5 easy steps)
1. Attend the conference
The paper that you present is really the least important aspect of conference participation. Yes it is important to showcase your work, and yes the feedback from your peers can strengthen your research, but at the end of the day the professional relationships that come out of regular conference participation are generally formed during coffee breaks, lunches, dinners, and nights out at the pub. Be prepared to participate in these things. You should also be an active, considerate attendee to other panels. Basically, Mr. WTF?, no one in that room will EVER hire you. You failed to even accomplish the most basic requirement of attending a conference, which is to say, you did not actually attend a conference.
2. Attend your panel
It is beyond inappropriate to simply NOT show up to the other paper(s) on your panel. That Mr. WTF? had apparently planned to arrive 30 minutes late to his 1hr panel indicated that he did not care to listen to the other speaker. This is completely shocking behaviour. Did he really think that people should be interested in hearing what he had to say even when he clearly wasn't interested in anyone else?
3. Present a paper (or a presentation)
Showing up to a conference with absolutely NOTHING prepared is a completely inappropriate waste of everyone's time. We have all presented under-prepared. This is a fact of our busy academic lives, but I have never seen anyone show up with nothing to present. You don't need to write an academic paper if that isn't the norm in your field, but seriously, have SOMETHING to tell your audience.
4. Know your audience
Don't assume that your audience knows nothing. Don't assume that your audience knows everything. Don't assume that because you are attending a conference on "culture" that everyone in the room is a literary scholar and therefore (apparently) won't understand numbers and things. Conferences, particularly special topics conferences, tend to be interdisciplinary. Don't use the fact that you are from another field as an excuse to be unprepared, make unfounded assumptions, and lack scholarly evidence for your claims.
5. Be gracious, or at least collegial
I was shocked that my colleagues were willing to be so kind to Mr. WTF?. He met their kindness with arrogance and defensiveness. When scholars take the time to listen to your work, then engage with it through questions and suggestions, take that feedback. This is about professionalism. Don't brush aside criticisms with wholesale dismissals of the disciplinary perspective from which you assume that they are coming.
***I guess what I am trying to say is, no matter how bad you think your worst conference presentation ever was, it definitely wasn't the worst ever. Unless of course you are MR. WTF?, then yes, it was the worst.
I know that my reading of his behaviour and motivations is likely a biased one. But too bad Mr. WTF?. Because at the end of the day, if I see a man at a conference from a "masculinized" discipline being callous and dismissive of his participation in a conference in a presumed "feminized" field of study, I see privilege.
So did I win? Have I really witnessed the worst conference presentation ever? Let me know your horror stories.