I like to think of myself as a pretty dependable correspondent. Email, text, social media: I'm on it. And if I'm not responding then I am there, listening. I know the conversations, the key talking points, the hot takes and the thorough think-pieces. I can point you to a dozen "important" conversations in my field (which is, cough cough, Canadian literature...) At the very least, regardless of the length of my to-do list, I get the emails sent on time. I tweet back. I message. I respond. I engage. I try and listen. But today when I signed in to schedule my post and found two dozen emails, a few direct messages on Twitter, eighteen notifications on Facebook, and read Aimée's piece on Lindy West's departure from Twitter for the first time (she published it four days ago) I finally had to admit what other people have known for a while: I'm dropping some balls.
Or rather, I am tired. Existentially. Politically. Poetically, even, if you count the gorgeous one-liners I think up in the liminal space between waking and sleeping. What has tired me out, I think, is not social media per se, but rather what my friend Sue Goyette identified the other day as the slippage between impact and intent. Let me break it down: I love Facebook for the news. It keeps me in contact with people I would otherwise have long lost touch with. Sure, we don't write to one another daily, but seeing photos and thoughts and comments from far-flung friends and acquaintances has broadened my access to other people's lives and perspectives. It isn't a stretch to say I feel enriched by the connections of many people I know and "know" on Facebook. I like Twitter too. I like the speed of conversation, the way that information and ideas and writing and news travels. It feeds the impatient part of me (a big part of me...)
But for about two years now social media has felt at least equal parts draining and sustaining. I have been trying to mark a moment when that shift started happening, and I think there are, for me, two. The first was when Chief Theresa Spence was on her hunger strike in Ottawa, and the second was was when Emma Healey published her brave, necessary, and gutting "Stories Like Passwords" on The Hairpin. There have been many many more moments since these two, but for me those events mark moments in my digital life when it was made clear to me that hate--in the form of racism and misogyny and rape culture--was so clearly fed and fanned by the conditions of social media.
I'm fortunate: I've not been cyber-bullied. I've only had a handful of rape threats on Twitter. I am not a lightening rod for charged conversation. I have friends, mentors, and acquaintances who are, and while I am so grateful to them and in awe of their energy, I worry for them. I can see the toll it takes, being constantly accessible. Feeling, I suspect, constantly responsible.
And so, as we head into this new year with its uncertainties and ruptures I find myself wanting not resolutions but reorientations. I aim to reorient my relationship with speedy responses. Yes, I'll respond to students and colleagues on time. But perhaps I won't keep Facebook on my phone. Maybe I will schedule time for social media and when that time is up it is up. Maybe I won't do any of this and bring it to my students as a case study for letting ourselves fail and learning from our failures. Who knows. What I do know is this: I'm working to be more generous in my engagements with others--online, in the classroom, in my home, and with myself. And sometimes being generous means taking a moment and a step back.
So here's to a new term, dear readers. Here's to another Monday, another opportunity to take a tiny moment for ourselves to reorient how we're moving through the worlds and with and alongside others. And here's to writing and reading feminist work. We need it, we're going to need it.